When was the last time you found out that someone is crushing on you?
For me, it was during the first hour of 2015. Geez! What a year opener!
I’ll be honest. I felt happy AND troubled at the same time. Happy because someone found me likable although I’m a huge blob of a mess and troubled because I don’t want to deal with it.
It all started when a friend of mine (let’s hide him under the name Al) suddenly told me, “May sasabihin ako sayo…pero maaga pa kaya mamaya na lang.” (“I have something to tell you…but it’s still too early so I’ll tell you later.”) This bugged me so much and I ended up curious during the first hour of this year. I did a pretty good job pushing it away inside my mind due to the party but when everything started to slow down, it came back to me. And, yep, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Because of that, I pestered Al. I kept asking him questions like “What were you trying to tell me?”, “What do you mean by ‘it’s still too early’?”, “What is this thing about?” and so on and so forth.
The answer I got? He told me to ask another friend of ours (hiding him under the name Jay).
When I messaged Jay and asked, he told me to ask Al about it. The cycle went on and on until I started to lose interest in it. I thought, “If they don’t want to say it, then, I’ll leave it be.” Come on, it was tiring to ask while going in a roundabout way.
Anyway, to cut the story short, I found out from them that someone is crushing on me. They didn’t mention who but they gave me a hint that “he” is wearing glasses. I don’t know a lot of guys who wear glasses and I even suspected Jay. But, it turns out that I’m wrong.
I even had a weird thought that it might be my ex, but, screw it. I didn’t want to hope for nothing.
The following day, my sister found out who the guy is. However, she didn’t mention a name. She kept it a secret from me. She told me that she saw the guy and stared at him while laughing, probably because she knew from Al that this guy is the one who’s crushing on me. She told me that they learned their names and talked mainly about the ‘why’, ‘when’ and ‘how’ this all started. And, she told me that he said this,
“I first saw her during the dry run for our year end event. She was there; she was quiet. She looked so smooth and delicate. From there, I thought that she’s a prospect to be loved.” – unknown guy
I laughed as soon as she ended saying it. Who’s quiet? Who’s smooth? Delicate? Who is he talking about? Me? I’m the actual opposite. I joked that I must give him a better pair of glasses to make him see better but, despite all of what I said, I thought it was nice to be seen in that way. I was happy.
Me and my sister continued to talk about random things. I joked around and she kept laughing. Then, it came to the part where I said, “I should be a comedian. I’m funny.” and she accidentally replied, “Yeah. You guys match. He’s funny too!”
It suddenly hit me.
Glasses, funny, year end event, dry run.
There were only a few of us during the dry run. Then, it all came together and an image of a guy popped in my head. I remembered him!
Now that I know, I’m pretending that I have no idea who he is. I’m pretending not to know his feelings. I’m troubled. I’m really troubled. I’m thankful that he found me likable but I’m not interested. I have no intention of entertaining anything about crush or like or anything related to that. I’m troubled because I can’t do anything to make it stop.
No one knows that I know what they know and it’s funny to see them struggle to keep it from me. It’s funny to see how obvious it is that they are trying to make me notice him. It’s funny to see them giggle. See him glance. Walk in front of me a lot of times. Stay near where I am. It’s funny to see how he gets restless.
It’s funny but I’m troubled.
Having someone have a crush on you is troublesome. If he continues like this, I’ll get repelled by him.